Meditation on Matthew 28:16

Kevin J Youngblood
 

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. Matthew 28:16

Eleven is an odd number in more ways than one. By this point in Matthew’s gospel, we have become so accustomed to the number twelve that it is truly jarring to be confronted with the number eleven (10:1-2, 5; 11:1; 14:20; 19:28; 20:17; 26:14, 20, 47, 53). Something isn’t right. Someone is missing. There are supposed to be twelve, but there are only eleven.

I was really impacted this morning by this unassuming verse and its mere mention of “the eleven.” The number hit my ear like the shrill screech on a violin when the bow goes astray interrupting what was otherwise a mesmerizing concerto. For all of Judas’ faults and for his inexcusable betrayal of the Lord, I cannot help but miss him when I read this verse.

The number eleven taught me this morning that Judas was truly a part of the community, that his absence cannot simply be noted and not grieved. The fact that he did not make it to the meeting at Galilee to receive forgiveness and restoration along with Peter and the rest of the apostles is tragic beyond words. That he gave into despair before realizing the possibility of forgiveness, renewal, and reinstatement haunts me and calls to my mind too many others who similarly saw no way out of their sin and succumbed to despair.

The number eleven taught me this morning the significant loss felt by the whole church when just one of its members, regardless of how small, how seemingly inconsequential, or even how wayward, is amputated. Perhaps what I felt this morning was the ghost pain lingering where Judas’ betrayal once stung and itched like a festering, infected sore threatening the health of the whole body. I am ashamed that it has taken me this long to grieve for Judas and overwhelmingly grateful that I finally am grieving him.

The number eleven taught me that while I am standing I should take heed lest I fall. While I believe in the security of my salvation, I also recognize the possibility of apostasy and the danger of self-deception. I therefore must heed Jesus’ admonition to abide in him for apart from him I can do nothing. He really meant it when he has said that every branch in him that does not bear fruit will be cut off.

The number eleven taught me that I should keep an eye on my brothers and sisters as well as on myself. We need to watch out for each other and reach out to each other when we sense that one of us is drifting away. I wonder if Judas was a loner. We know that Peter, James, and John had a tight bond and stuck together, but who befriended Judas? Who was in his inner circle. Maybe he didn’t have one. Everyone in the body is precious. Everyone in the body needs to feel connected and to participate in the love and unity of the Spirit.

Please understand, I am making no excuses for Judas. I am not blaming what he did on the other apostles. I am just sharing the way I felt when I read this verse this morning, how it made me long for the number twelve. It made me long for a whole church, a complete church, a church in which no one is missing, no one is overlooked while the Devil ravages his heart and mind. A woman once lost a coin INSIDE THE HOUSE and she could not rest until she found it. Hmm.

Father,

Give me eyes to see the hurting in our midst. Sensitize my heart to detect those who are most vulnerable to the enemy’s lies and seductions. Embolden me to reach out across the silences, the distances created by uncertainty, timidity, judgment, and assumptions. Give me words with which to encourage, heal, admonish, and edify. Words capable of combatting Satan’s toxic tongue. Awaken me to the realization that I too could be Judas. I am just as capable as he of self-deception, betrayal, and then finally despair over the shame of what I’ve done, especially when this is reinforced by the harsh, unsympathetic glares of self-appointed judges and jurists. Forgive me for my participation in both such judging and in such betraying. Thank you, Jesus, for washing Judas’ feet as lovingly, deliberately, and tenderly as you washed John’s. Holy Spirit help me to follow this example. While nothing that I do can of itself soften such a hardened heart, I do pray that I will never (or never again) play a role in the hardening of a heart. Holy Spirit, bond of love and unifier of the church, teach me to love the number twelve and grieve the number eleven.

AMEN


^