My heart is in anguish within me;

the terrors of death have fallen upon me.

⁵ Fear and trembling come upon me,

and horror overwhelms me.

⁶ And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove!

I would fly away and be at rest;

⁷ yes, I would wander far away;

I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah

⁸ I would hurry to find a shelter

from the raging wind and tempest.”

(Psalm 55:4-6)

Thus my great appreciation for the psalmist’s spot-on description of the kind of panic attacks that often grip me and paralyze me in moments when decisive moral action is needed. Words like “terrors of death,” “trembling,” and “overwhelmed,” perfectly capture the sensation of being frozen in fear, looking for the nearest exit and finding none. Then wishing I had wings so that I could just fly straight up and out of reach of whatever it is that is terrifying me.

Yes, the psalmist would fly away if he could, but he cannot. God did not give us wings with which to fly away from trouble like a bird. Instead, he gave us two legs on which to stand our ground and face our fears. Of course, I could use these two legs to run away instead of using them to stand my ground and face my fears, and I often do exactly that. Like the psalmist, however, I am sometimes completely surrounded by the troubles and terrors of life with no way of escape. It is at these times that God insists I face my fears rather that flee them. Everyone of these encounters has resulted in immense spiritual growth and had I had my own way they would have never occurred.

Psalm 55 is one of 13 psalms that carries the label “a maskil.” Scholars still debate exactly what this means. The three most viable options are that it refers to a classic, well-loved song (derived from the Hebrew word for “prosper”), or that it refers to an antiphonal, responsive song (derived from the Hebrew verb “to criss-cross”), or that it refers to a song designed to teach and impart wisdom – a song that provokes meditation leading to deeper understanding. If I had to choose, I suppose I would go with the last of these – a song designed to lead us to deeper understanding of God, self, and the world. I choose this one because this is precisely what I experience when I linger over this and the other psalms with this label.

So, what am I supposed to learn from this vivid description of fear? To begin with, it is helpful to know what has so frightened the psalmist. The psalmist is frightened because those whom he considered to be friends have turned out to be vicious enemies. Such a shocking realization causes one to question his own judgment, his own perception of reality. While this is a healthy and necessary exercise, it comes with such disorientation that one runs the risk of becoming so paranoid that he questions whether he knows anything at all, whether it is even possible to know anything at all. It would seem that our culture as a whole is currently suffering from this condition. Everyone, therefore, is terribly afraid and when we act out of fear we behaver irrationally, unpredictably, erratically, and violently.

The psalmist, however, chooses an entirely different response – prayer, fleeing to YHWH for refuge. Fleeing to YHWH for refuge is not the same thing as running away from fear but rather it is finding the ground on which to stand in order to face it. It is asking God for the courage to face what we would never face in our strength or by our sheer will power. What if I consistently chose this response to my deepest, darkest, most overwhelming fears? I suspect that fear would hijack my reasoning and lead me into sinful responses far less often.

Father,

Thank you for inspiring the psalmists to speak so honestly and eloquently about fear. Their words compel me to confess my own bondage to fear. I do not ask you to forgive me for being afraid. Fear is a gift you have given me for my protection. I thank you for the gift of fear. I do, however, ask your forgiveness for the way I have used fear as an excuse for not trusting and obeying you when you ask hard, costly things of me. Forgive me for abusing your gift of fear, for pitting fear against faith and using it to sabotage experiences that you intend to use for my growth and formation. Lord Jesus, thank you for joining us in our greatest fears, for feeling the terror of living in this sin-cursed world. But thank you even more for modeling for us how to face those fears by turning to the father in complete and utter honesty and finding in your fellowship with him the courage to endure the cross. Holy Spirit, you are the source of godly boldness. So work in me that I may possess and display this holy boldness more consistently. Please give me the wisdom to know fear’s place and the wisdom to know how to balance wise, holy fear with even wiser and holier boldness.

AMEN